Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
