There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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