I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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