Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
