That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
