I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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