Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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