is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
