hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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