So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
