I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Randomize
