I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
