Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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