Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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