Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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