The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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