everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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