It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
