I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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