Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
