consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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