To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
