Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
