he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
