WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
