WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
