Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
