thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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