I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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