She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
