so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
