In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
