I'm lost and stupid without you.
i was born a porn star she said
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sorry about my life...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
