Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize