So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize