he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
