I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
