I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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