Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
