My balls are so social today.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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