I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
