I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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