Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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