please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
