i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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