Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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