I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
