So drunk its hurt
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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