i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
