Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
