I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
