He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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