How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
