You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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