We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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