Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Randomize
