I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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