thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
