I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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