Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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