I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
