i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
