My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just pee around me
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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