Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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