we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize