My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
