so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize