I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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