don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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