How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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