not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
