i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
