well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
