Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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