I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
