It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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