I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
